Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
