I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Don't make out with my wife yet
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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