I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
