Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
