Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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