I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
