I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just invented taco cereal.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
