I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
