I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
