On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
