i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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