hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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