She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
