grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
