I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
