can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
