Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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