I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
