he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
