I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
