Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
