dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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