It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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