i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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