First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
