If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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