if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hippo gnu deer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
