my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
