capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
