So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
