i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
