I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize