hell yes lets make some ravioli
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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