I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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