i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
