11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
