if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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