Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
