Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
