they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
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I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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