I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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