So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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