she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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