This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I see more hoeing in ur future
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