any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
