Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
