I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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