alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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