Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
