in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
