I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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