Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
