too bad you live with your parents still
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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