I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
