Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
