i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
