Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
