We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
