i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize