If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
