4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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