i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
