At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
