I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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