No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
