dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
