That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
