Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
