porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
