just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
