hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
