tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
