I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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