Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He passed out mid-signature
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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