you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
