his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
