Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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